It's all hidden. Although you left me in silence.

I HAVE CREATED A NEW BLOG. PERSONAL BLOG. SORRY! :) DONT WORRY. SOMETIMES WILL BLOG HERE.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 2:07 PM .

AHHHH! Help! I've lost the motivation for study! Anyoneeee. Please please pleaseeeeeeeeeeee. Im fucking irritated. Mind my language but i'm seriously pissed off with exams and school life. Have been trying to study for the past few hours but not a single shit goes in my head. Brain's not workin.

Too many stuffs on my mind and i'm tired. I ate chocolates, ate a big packet of rice. 2 chicken wings, bread, and a can of bird's nest for my dinner. I can't be bothered with my throat anymore. =) I ate like a hungry gh*st. Oops. SHHH.

I know it all. =) But i'm still getting on with my life. Like the saying goes, if old want dont go, new one how to come? Haha. Oh wells. Time has it all. I have time. I wish i wish i wish. Sometimes, i feel it's sad. Why such things happen when i'm serious in a relationship. It's so unfair. And the next time round it's a different story. It's either i lose feelings first or the other party loses his first.

Why can't my relationship be a normal one. I lovehim, he love me. Last long. WHYYYYY!?!? unfair. Oh yah. I watched hi 5 today and guess what? Kathleen not in the group anymore. Got 1 girl called SUN replace her. Asshole. I'm not going to watch hi 5 anymore. =( Anyway my msn cant be used cause of some troubleshooting thing. So angry. It's adding "fuel" to my "flames". Okay nevermind. Restarting com right now. At this moment. Yes. =\

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 11:42 PM .

I guess , time to move on. Cause he moved on already. Oh well. Gonna change my blog address for the moment. With effect from 27 aug. =)

Goodbye love.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 11:12 AM .

Went to see the doctor after all. And guess what. I was asked to go for further checkup. Dunno what possible throat cancer?!?! What bullshit. Just because my throat is fucking swollen doesnt mean i have cancer okay. Bloody hell. I'm not going for any shit checkup lah.

Anyway im very angry. Because...... I tell myself i will not give up. But i dont know when i can tell myself that until. Im very sick and tired le. No more nonsence. For now. I'll juz wait and see. Im going to face the harsh reality. Cause i have to. Goodbye ______. Goodbye _______.

I have gotten my retribution. Until now. It's killing me. ARGHHHHH!!! I wanna scream so loudly. but. Everyone sleeping. HA.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 12:36 AM .

Officially i've broken up with low jiahao. Ytd i wasnt so sure cause he smsed me again in the afternoon Today. He thought we were still together. So i thought, maybe try a few more days and see how. But i realised i shouldnt drag it. I am fully aware of my feelings for him. Its fading. He knows it too. So during cmsy revision class i smsed him and told him that my feelings fade already. Then he asked me why.

In the end i told him i wanted a break up. He got angry. Maybe disappointed. I dont know but i feel like i busted him. Then i smsed him and told him nt to reply and stuffs. Juvone dear also told me to leave this kind of people. Yes i agree. He's so useless. Ok mind my words but its true. Im not happy being with him. He's nt like a gentleman at all. He dont send me home, i have to send him to his busstop. And then he only cares about himself. What kind of bf is this? Even though its very late at night but i have to walk home all by myself. Through the empty and isolated path. Whenever i tell him stuffs, he just dont want to bother. He either says: aiyah nvm lah or huh den how?

When i tell him about my collegues. Always kena bully, he never even try to cheer me up. Only noe how to sae dun care dem la dun care dem la. So you see the reason why i wanted to end this relationship. I couldnt take it any more. Furthermore. Its not him whom i love. It has always been infatuation. Lasted only for a few days.

After which he smsed me again and said: I'm sorry. Can we dont break?
So i said: Whats de point of continuing a relationship when no feelings are involved?
He said: Issit you fall in love with another guy?

The rest. Juvone knows abt it lah. I did sms and told him the truth though. After cmsy we girls went to lab and print stuffs. They ah, very bad. Say i very fast find another bf! Nan sae 1 week? Then juvone say tonight?!?! And den the rest i forgot hu sae wat. Got 4 days lah .. LOL. wei wei wei. Girls ah, im not that.... HAHA.

In lab i told them about my feelings lor. They said someone else better will replace HIM(not jiahao for goodness sake). But i told dem i dunwan! ='( Very sad lah. But... I shant get emo. =) Live life to the fullest.

If only..

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 7:29 PM .

I woke up and realised that my throat os KILLING me, I cant even open my mouth. Hurts like damn badly. I tink im gonna have a hard time eating. So yeah anyway i'm damn disappointed. Yes, there is a reason but it's a lil personal.

I had a horrible nightmare. Him him and him. He found a new girl and her name was MyName. LOL. I noe a little lame. Then saw him in the bus and was playing with his sister? LOL. Dunno why out of the blue he got a younger sister. So yeah. Then he left and someone else told me he was alrdy interested in another girl.

I know its all juz part of my "positive" thinking. I want to give up. But i cant.

One sided love.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 11:22 AM .

Today early in the morning jiahao came to find me. So yea. Slack till 6 den he went home. I got so scared today. Cause. Why ah? Why guys all like to lie one. Whyyyyyyyyyyy?!?! Anyway i tink its the end for us. So like.. Yah. I got angry with him at a point of time when... So ididnt care him and went to slp. He slept too. Then sherrie came back and he call me wake up. Then she cook and den we eat. And then i send him to bus stop. And so bye bye. MAybe it will be the last tim eim seeing him i also dunno.

Its a good thing i didnt give in at all. Bye jiahao. Im sorry. 16 days with you. I hope i get my friends back. Now that you're gone.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 7:10 PM .

Freaking tired. Exhausted. Im sick. High fever, sore throat and flu. Im supposed to be happy my bf's coming to see me for the whole entire day. But I'm not. Why why whyyyy? I feel like a fucking bitch. He knows i dont love him. Yet he still wants to be with me. Argh. Its like, he call or dun call me , sms or dun sms me, i also wun go and bother one.

Faded. Maybe this is the word to describe my feelings. Yes. Im certain of it. Im like wearing 2 layers of clothes, including my jacket. Shorts, and another layer of track pants. Freezing cold. Anyway. Im tired so cant blog. Next week is study week so whole week no sch. Also took exam leave so no work. Shiok. Nites people. Im tired.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 10:31 PM .

Yesterday he called me. Talked very nicely at first. But dont know why out of the blue quarrel again. Sigh. He cried. I didnt know what to do. Im sorry dar. I know, like you said, im not a good girlfriend. I treat you so differently all of a sudden. MAybe because i know, deep down inside, I dont love you. You know that too right. I try so hard, to treat u nicer. But it always turn out differently in the end.

I want to love you. But it seems that something else is stopping me. Something. Someone. Yes, i cant let go of the past. Its true. I know its very unfair for you. Im sorry dar. Please dont shed any more tears. Although i cant promise not to treat u this way again, but i promise, i'll try my best to maintain this relationship. Cause i know whats gone, is gone. He might already have someone new. I dont know.

You tell me you want to last long. I tell you i cant. The way we're going now.. Sigh. All i can sae now is im sorry. This post might a bit random but i've been thinking for such a long time. It's too unfair for you. Now, we'll just live one day to another. Seee what happens k?

Anyway, im gonna say goodbye to my ah lian hair colour. And my ah lian image. Black hair is back. =) Now, noone will call me an ah lian!! whoohooo!!~~~~~~~~

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 12:03 AM .

Im so freaking exhausted. Today went to school only for ONE lesson which is cmaths. Actually by right supoosed to have cmsy tutorial at 4. But me and shu juan decided to shop and not go. HAHA. She went to meet her bf. Today after cmaths we all went to decide on where to go then decided to go tamp first. Then yeah. Waited at bus stop for dian to come. Then when the bus finally arrived, juvone n sharina didnt board. We girls all so shocked. Not to mentioned a little pissed and angry. I mean, why so last min? Oh wells nevermind. Past already.

Then at tamp go eat. Then after that proceeded to suntec. HAHA. Wanted to buy donuts but the queue like freaking long ah. Today quarrel with him again. He shouted so loud at me. So i got pissed and shouted in the shopping centre. Ha. I mean, he's so unreasonable lah. Still dare to accuse me. So hot tempered. Argh. Now i really dunno le la. Always quarrel. We barely even started. Just 13 days. Because of mr low jiahao, i lost so many friends. They dont even bother to tok to me. Why? Sometimes i tink that i really made the wrong choice. What can i do? Im so lost so sad.

I still miss him. As in him. But. I guess it gone for good. Anyway let me continue. We went suntec and i go find hashima and deyuan at shop. AHah. Then walk wlak lor. Then kip on buying stuffs to eat. I spend so much lor. Die ah die. Fat also. HAHA. Then after that decided to shop for girl stuffs. HAHA. You noe what i mean. Me and shu juan bought a set. HAHAHAH. Oh my god i cant believe im saying this la.

Then the rest left for cmsy. So we continued to shop. Went to body shop and testing the eye shadow. But didnt buy in the end. Then took mrt home. She go her bf hse. I go home. Reach home le i str8 away slp. So tired lor. Then woke up and eat. Then received a call from shixian. Like so sudden. And he's such a bastard. Im serious. Argh. I really dunno wat he tinking lor. I cant say it out cause to personal. So yeah, I hate my life right now. If only time could be reversed.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 9:16 PM .

Dar came to find me at amk. I reached earlier den him so i went home 1st. Then help mummy hang the clothes cause she's really sick. Then after a while dar sae he dwnstairs le. So i hurry pack and went off. Then we went to walk walk walk damn fucking sian. But nevermind lah. Time pass very very fast lor.

Then i told dar sth and he got very angry and pissed. I know his impression of me already changed, although he said it hasnt. Sigh. He got angry with me when i said sth off the limit and straightaway he let go of my hand. Im sorry. We didnt get to eat cause both of us no appetite. Went to the same old place to talk and slack.

I realised.. It's all infatuation. I dont know. My girls know. What im thinking right now. Heartpain. Its just too hard to let go. Sorry mr low jiahao. Give me some time. I'll try my very best to be your good gf. Try.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 10:25 PM .

Went to school as usual today. Woke up at 7. Then prepare le den go out. Then in sch vislit. So slack. Just do the journal only lor. So lame. Hahaha. Then after that go out with my girls to eat. Outside school Then talk talk talk. Hmm. The girls know my secret. Sigh. Being in a relationship really very hard. Esp now, in my plight. My girls know how i feel. Gave me some advices.

But yeah. Just have to live with it. So heartpain lor sometimes. HmMM. Now in sch lab. Go discuss project. Later my dar maybe come find me. Not sure. Then go liliang chalet.

Sh a R le Ne__* told you a secret at 2:08 PM .